10 WAY TO RESOLVE CONFLICT

1         Agree on a mutually acceptable time and place to discuss the conflict.

2.   State the problem as you see list your concerns
·         Make “I” statement.
·         Withhold judgments, accusations, and absolute statements(“always” or never”).
     

3.   LET THE OTHER PERSON HAVE HIS/HER SAY
·         Do not interrupt or contradict.
·         Do not allow name-calling, put-downs, threats, obscenities, yelling, or intimidating behavior.

4         LISTEN AND ASK QUESTIONS

·         Ask fact-based questions (who? What? Where? When? How?) to make sure you understand the            situation.
·         Ask exploratory question (what if? What are you saying?  is this the only solution to our problem?          What if we did such and such? Are there other alternatives to this situation?).
·         Avoid accusatory “why” questions (why are you like that?) Use your own words restate what you              think the other person means wants.
·         Acknowledge the person’s feelings and perceptions.

5        STICK TO ONE CONFLICT AT A TIME TO THE ISSUE AT HAND
·         Do not change the subject or allow it to be changed.” I understand your concern, but l’d like to finish what we’re taking about before we discuss it”

6         SEEK COMMON GROUND
·         What do you agree on?
·         What are your shared concerns?

7     BRAINSTORM SOLUTIONS TO THE CONFLICT THAT ALLOW EVERYONE TO WIN.

8         REQUEST BEHAVIOR CHANGES ONLY
·         Don’t ask others to change their attitudes.
·         Don’t ask them to “feel” differently about something.
·         Don’t ask them to be different.
·         If you want them to “stop doing” something, suggest an alternative action.

9  AGREE TO THE BEST WAY TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT AND TO A TIMETABLE FOR IMPLEMENTING IT
·         Who will do what by when

10        IF THE DISCUSSION BREAKS DOWN, RESCHEDULE ANOTHER TIME TO MEET. CONSIDER BRINGING IN A THIRD PARTY.